28th Level of Wisdom

I have reached a level of wisdom that I didnt think I would have elevated to, Loves understanding, self insecurity and how its a necessity to maintain confidence, yes its a conundrum, a complicated tolerance yet in still appreciated. As this may be my few month blog its a special one, due to my celebration of what some consider to be the best day of the year...the bday. Well if you know me, (and as I guess this blog is intended to exude me with no inhibitions or gaurds but to truly expose my flaws and mirroring thoughts of myself).....I am a firm believer that the bday is merely just another day, I think you are a yr older everyday: if ya know what I mean. i.e you become older everyday so the changing of numbers on a calendar does not matter. I find it interesting how at the beginning of the year or shall I say end of the year ppl create these new year resolutions when its something that you could have started, continued or completed at any point, but yet we are conditioned to think how ppl want us to, for instance when christmas is around you have to set aside extra money, new years is coming you create a resolution, your bday you have a party. Well I think that every day is a new day and new start to life, you make your own decisions, and create your own actions, and those actions should not be manipulated by the rules of society....GROW, BECOME WISER, SET A RESOLUTION TO BECOME WISER, save money to buy books for everyone during christmas, on new years just reolve all the old issues of self and take it one day at a time....On this bday I have reached a level of wisdom and growth that I have totally embraced to its fullest.

This past year, I have fallen in Love, been hurt, taken a bite of the bitter man sandwhich, and then found that peace within self, fought for spiritual growth, gained a few lbs lol and loved it, read a few books, made more money than a thought, FLEW ALOT!!! met a more than a few hundred ppl, at one point I thought I found the one, I couldnt believe I was so swept off my feet... ME JEROME J. HILL JR. I still smirk at the thought.. business decisions were awesome airport experiences even better, and NC hot is heck but a great a experience. And through it all I can say I have grown in every aspect of my life. They say greys come through WISDOM and if you see my beard lately....well I am, lets just say I embraced my new color....until next time!!

Spiritual Love Making

Your spiritual relationship is one so powerful, I listened to a song that was called falling in love with Jesus and it brought tears to my eyes, I find myself to be quite emotional these days. I believe that with things are at its lowest or its highest one becomes emotional, these peaks are the determing factor of who you really are. For instance when one reaches that peak of riches, what they do with there money tells who they are, and many cannot handle their trueself, they change and some commit suicide, its one in the same when you are at your lowest financially, you can deal with your circumstance and look at the small things and appreciate and depending on how you embrace the situation determine your emotional stability, and the low may have the same result which may be suicide. When everything is A okay so is our emotions, we are comfortable.

Well I am all 3 at this moment in my life and the only thing that I can change is my spiritual to allow me to understand and embrace all 3 and grasp myself. I am a Christian and who ever reads this knows the stuggles of being such, especially if you know you have a calling to do something great, I am emotional because I know my greatness. I am currently rich with Peace and broken with love but I am comfortable with knowing its only for now and the only way I can find peace and love together and be comfortable is through me falling in love with Christ.

Growing up in a two parent household I have embraced Strong Love, covenant, strength, committment, understanding, affection and what marriage really is, my mom and dad, was the true example of what I want. Once anyone sees that and grow up with that all around them thats what they long for, and I am beond longing for that. Until my dad passed he taught me to love your wife, be strong and committed and my mom taught me that affection, vowing, and understanding is key through it all they both taught me spiritual love is what gives you patience, and the true love in a marriage. I understand this completely and as I listen to this song on repeat right now I know i have to first marry Christ before I can take that vow to someone, I have to first fall in love with him, make love to him show him the committment, patiend, understanding before I can do that for someone else or even embrace it from someone else.

My spiritual relationship is something I am building, my foundation is strong, solid but the structure is being built slow and not with the correct labor and tools, I want to get a new contractor and rebuild the structure and today is that start.

I am a very optismistic person like seriously positive, not much gets to me but I know what GOD has for and i pray that the person that he has for me can do more than just give me positive words but grab my hand and get on her knees and pray with me, where we can connect spiritually, that is an positive feeling that cant be created by the brain, but something beyond understanding....

I write these post as a journal and I wonder if i shouldnt, but it is theraputic because I type faster than I write lol and my brain goes a thousand miles per hour and I sometimes cant even understand what i wrote lol who ever reads this pray for me and I will pray for you. My GOD BLESS ME and YOu and he allows us all to reach that complete spiritual love making with him !

FINALE

Well as I sit at the table and my grandmothers blast her daily gospel I cant help but to listen, the chrous is some older guy with that raspy southern tone singing "Where is your faith in GOD". Well I walk by faith and not by sight!! I know that much..... I guess they say thats where prayer comes in....okay im not sure if its my lifes situation right now or this old skool gospel that got a brotha about to break down and cry...My closest friend to me to let it out but I cannot.

The title FINALE stemmed from my thoughts of making the decision of the final chapter of life and praying that this decision that I am going to make will be the catalyst to a brighter and happier long lasting life...The finale!!!! I am trusting in my true emotions and GOD on this one, I have never been at this point in my life. As freely as I live I want this to be my true freedom, some find there freedom in different ways and within different things, however I am finally free with my emotions and willing to accept the KARMA of life if thats what GOD has for me wether is not the best result. However I will still remain free because I allowed myself to experience that true level of mental and emotional freedom. I dont know if this makes sense to the few ppl that read my blog but ....again this is for me!!

While grasping self and knowing you have reached that point and recognizing what you want never comes so clear...for instance when one decides to go back to school and you just know, starting your own business willing to risk it all, but who cares, your gonna try because there is something in you that you just know. Well I think I JUST KNOW right now, and it feels great but scary at the same time, but I put all my chips of life on the table and ready to roll the dice. So as I shake up and down on those dice, blow that slight breeze on them I say a prayer before letting them go on the table GOD direct my path and I put my life in your hands, you know what you have for me in all instance and circumstance.....So I say to myself this is it , this is the FINALE

THE BOX

Many people have put me in a box...hopefully its a very nice one however its not...so many people observe my outter, the way I walk the way my pocket sqaure is slightly stuffed in my blazer because i never learned how to properly do it, but people box me and think i took time to do it and actually thought about it...its interesting that people actually think i take forever to get dress but the ones close to me know I am dressed in 5 min flat and ready before anyone lol .... and NO I AM NOT CONCEITED.....but because I put a little, juuuuuust litttttle extra thought in what I put on im boxed. I want to say so much in this post, because I am tired of being in this BOX. Oh lets not forget because I have a ton of female associates, means I have probably dated them, or they want me or we have done the do! lol NO for those who truly know me know I am a homebody but yes I love people and yes I love the female anatomy but what man doesnt, I am pretty respected and praise the black women, I am even writing a book on black women knowing there worth, but still to many im a player, ladies man, dog (to very few) lol a ladies man, Mr.Smooth, a young lady in the airport called me a black casanova aka the new Billie D....lmao that was funny. Seriously I hat the box im in, why cant people see the real me the guy in the sweats and flip flops and all of my crusty toes (if youve seen them then you know) when I havent shaved, and when I am looking in the mirror to see if im truly balding my flaws and all....I give you me butt naked standing on your box that you put in people....Ask me anything take me for me I am a man but yet a great man... a man of value, a man of character, a great future husband and despite what you think and those that know me know that my future wife will be my world and my heart and soul and my only true spirit to myself fully committed. Ok ummmm I still want to write, so I guess this blog is my venting zone so for those who are on stay tuned because this will be daily from this point. I have just escaped your infamous wordly box!!

FINDING YOURSELF

Lost is what the feeling may be....at times we are lost within ourself or merely lost ourself. We compromise our worth or or values at times, and those things that we fall to may not be that bad but its not good. I am not sure if I am on the right path of finding myself or not, as confident, driven, and ambitous as I am I think I am lost.....searching for me

Seperate/Friends....

Today my life as changed, you never know how people affect your life and until you seperate yourself from them. Friendships, homie lover friends, relationships as a whole changes your life. I believe we all have to be careful on how deep you allow someone in your life, im not saying be gaurded or scared all the time but for the first time my feeling we hurt!! I said wow, I think that men are more logical and less emotional however in retrospect we share the same emotions as a a woman. I am not understanding the need of friends at times, I am a firm believer that as long as I have family I will be okay! Honestly I have very few friends I mean very few, however I have more than a ton of associates and homies but a group of people I can call true friends...... ummmm less than 5. I guess this post is a vent, I am seriously now reminiscing on one of my old trues friends and how we grew apart upon becoming adults, ask yourself about your track record with friends or how close you let someone to become a friend.....

Memorable moment in life, one cannot comprehend! do you question your true feelings??? hmmm sushi, red wine, your favorite dish, prepared just for you..... okay welll my mind is doing 90 in a 20.. not knowing what to think or feel... you zone out as if nothing exists you ask yourself what is your being...i guess this is what blogging about, if you are what you say you are, as lupe says..... and yes im a superstar. I will bare all on tonights blog, for the few followers i have this is my testimony so you are the first to witness... wow it feels like church...get it (witness, testimony) but hey here goes....I am a great guy but im scared...scared of comittment, but i dont think its committment but more so choosing the right one!! does that make sense!? as I reflect on the book The Conversation, specifically the first chapter I wonder.....I guess Im suppose to be like most guys and doing what they are doing this evening, however Im NOT, I wonder why....Okay I wont bare all maybe just this little bit....OUT